I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
