Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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