Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the condom got lost in my hair
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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