Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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