btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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