Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
