My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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