so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
