Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
