I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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