I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
