Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
