____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
