I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
