Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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