I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
