I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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