just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize