I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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