I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
