the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
