I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize