he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize