Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
