just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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