I never want to see another naked old woman again.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
