3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
