Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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