She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
