how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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