She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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