HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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