nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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