Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
