why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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