Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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