We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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