well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
