yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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