hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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