coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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