Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize