You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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