I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
