Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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