My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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