in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
