So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
