I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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