I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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