the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
