I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
