I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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