i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
