We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
