If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
