do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
