On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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