OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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