I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
