i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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