He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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