I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
