The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
