The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
