Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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