we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
