thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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