apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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