I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
