we're blogging at a bar
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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