I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
