I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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