I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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