Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
