The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
