I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
