I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
