how can u be prego again
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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