That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
