I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
