So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
