I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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