I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
