That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
