Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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