She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize