It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
