how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize