sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
