I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
